HELLO BOYS AND GIRLS, WE HERE AT SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY KNOW THAT MOST OF OUR CUSOMERS ARE BUSY IMPORTANT PEOPLE, WHO SIMPLY JUST DON'T USUALLY HAVE THE TIME TO WAIT AROUND UNTILL THE EVENING TO DISCOVER WHICH EPISODE OF " LEAVE IT TO BEAVER " WILL GET BROADCAST TONIGHT. HOWEVER I, REV. A. WEST, HAVING PAY-OFFS { ERRRRR..., WHAT I MEAN IS SERIOUS CONNECTIONS WITHIN THE MAJOR NETWORKS } CAN SIMPLY TELL YEZ WHICH EPISODE OF " LEAVE IT TO BEAVER " WILL BE BROADCAST TONIGHT, THEREBY SAVING YOU, THE BUSY EXECUTIVE, TIME THAT CAN BE PUT TO BETTER USES, SUCH AS HANGING AROUND THE REST ROOMS AT YOUR LOCAL BUS STATION, OR EVEN BETTER STILL, VISITING MY E-BAY STORE: SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY, FOR ALL O' YOUR ZAPPA DANCIN' AND DINING PLEASURES. OK THEN, I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY, THAT IN TONIGHT'S LEAVE IT TO BEAVER EPISODE: MRS. CLEAVER { JUNE CLEAVER PLAYED BY BARBARA BILLINGSLEY } IS STARTING TO BECOME BORED JUST BEING A TV HOUSEWIFE, SO SHE STARTS THINKING " YOU KNOW, MAYBE I COULD GET A LITTLE PART TIME JOB WHILE WARD IS AT WORK AND THE KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL? ". SO THE NEXT DAY SHE BUYS A NEWSPAPER AND LOOKS IN THE CLASSIFIED SECTION AT THE PART TIME HELP WANTED ADS. SUDDENLY HER EYES FOCUS ON AN AD THAT READS " ATTRACTIVE FEMALES WITH GOOD FIGURES WANTED TO MODEL CLOTHES FOR LOCAL DEPARTMENT STORE ". SO SHE THINKS, HUMMM., YES, WELL WARD HAS ALWAYS SAID THAT I HAVE A GREAT FIGURE, MAYBE I'LL GO OVER THERE TOMORROW AND APPLY FOR THE JOB. SO THE NEXT DAY MRS. CLEAVER DRIVES OVER TO THE ADDRESS THAT'S PRINTED IN THE AD AND GOES INSIDE. SHE'S TOLD TO WAIT BUT FINALLY SHE GETS LET INTO TO THE OFFICE OF THE MODELING AGENCY PRESIDENT LARRY { PLAYED BY LARRY FLYNT }. LARRY TAKES A GOOD LOOK AT HER AND TELLS HER TO TURN AROUND A FEW TIMES, THEN STANDS UP N' SAYS " WOW JUNE, YOU SURE ARE A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, HOWEVER UNFORTUNANTLY ALL OF THE POSITIONS FOR CLOTHES MODELS HAVE BEEN TAKEN. BUT I'LL TELL YEZ, I WISH THAT YOU HAD COME INTO MY OFFICE YESTERDAY, I WOULDA' GIVEN THE JOB TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SUCH AS YEZ FO' SURE ". SO MRS. CLEAVER STARTS TO WALK AWAY AND SAYS, " OH WELL, THANKS ANYWAY ". BUT JUST AS SHE'S ALMOST OUTTA THE DOOR, LARRY RUNS OVER AND CLOSES THE DOOR SAYING: " NOW WAIT A MINUTE, MAYBE WE CAN STILL FIND SOME WORK FOR YOU, AFTER ALL, I'D HATE FOR SOME NATURAL TALENT SUCH AS YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE TO GET AWAY, YEAH, I'VE GOT IT, WE'LL DO A NUDE BODY STUDY PHOTO SHOOT SO THAT THE DEPARTMENT STORE CLOTHES DESIGNERS CAN STUDY THE PERFECT FEMALE FIGURE AND DESIGN A COMPLETE LINE OF CLOTHES TO BE CALLED ", " THE PERFECT JUNE CLEAVER CLOTHING LINE ", YOU'LL BE RICH AND FAMOUS JUNE, WADDA YEZ SAY?. MRS. CLEAVER THINKS ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT AND SAYS: " WELL, I GUESS IT'LL BE OK ", I MEAN THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO SEX INVOLVED, RIGHT LARRY ? ", I MEAN I'M A MARRIED WOMAN. LARRY SAYS OF COURSE NOT JUNE, WE DON'T DO THAT KINDA' STUFF 'ROUND HERE, JUST TAKE ALL OF YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND YOU CAN POSE OVER THERE. START BY BENDING OVER THAT EXCERCISE HORSE AND SPREAD EM'. SO SHE DOES ALL OF THE POSES THAT LARRY TELLS HER TO DO, THEN LARRY HANDS HER $100, AND TELLS HER TO SIGN THAT RELEASE FORM. SO SHE SIGNS, POCKETS THE MONEY, AND FORGETS ALL ABOUT IT. SO NOW, SEVERAL MONTHS LATER WALLY, { PLAYED BY TONY DOW }, AND EDDIE HASKELL { PLAYED BY ALICE COOPER }, ARE IN THEIR NORMAL HIDING PLACES UNDER THE BLEECHERS WHERE THE HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADERS SIT DURING FOOTBALL PRACTICE, LOOKING UP AT THEIR SHORT DRESSES, WHILE ALSO LOOKING AT THE LATEST ISSUE OF HOUSEWIVES EN REGALIA MAGAZINE WHILE FLOGGING THEIR DONGS, WHEN SUDDENLY EDDIE SAYS:" HEY WALLY, THIS PHOTO SURE DOES LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE YO' MAMA ". WALLY SAYS " LEMME SEE THAT " AND GRABS THE MAGAZINE OUTTA EDDIE'S HANDS THEN SAYS " NAAWWW MAN, YOU'RE CRAZY, 'N IF YOU SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT 'BOUT MY MOM AGAIN I'LL SOCK YOU IN THE NOSE ". SO WALLY THROWS THE MAGAZINE DOWN AND THEY BOTH WALK AWAY. HOWEVER BEAVER, { PLAYED BY JERRY MATHERS }, WHO AS YOU ALREADY KNOW IS ALWAYS HANGIN' 'ROUND SOMEWHERE, SEES ALL OF THIS GWINE ON AND GOES OVER TO PICK UP THE MAGAZINE. WOW HE SAYS, THAT SURE DOES LOOK LIKE MOM AN AWFUL LOT, I BET SHE'S A FAMOUS MODEL, AND TOMORROW IS CAREER DAY AT SCHOOL. I KNOW, I'LL BRING IN THIS MAGAZINE AND TELL THE CLASS ABOUT MY MOM BEING A FAMOUS MODEL. " THAT'LL BE SWELL ". SO HE BRINGS IN THE MAGAZINE TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY AND SHOWS THE CLASS. HOWEVER THE TEACHER { PLAYED BY JERRY FALWELL } ISN'T AMUSED, AND SENDS BEAV DOWN TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE { PLAYED BY HELEN REDDY } AND AFTER A FOUR HOUR LECTURE BY HER TO THE BEAV ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE EXPLOITED BY EVIL GOOD FOR NOTHING MEN, HIS DAD IS CALLED. SO WHEN MR. CLEAVER HAS TO TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF AND PICKS UP THE BEAVER AT SCHOOL, HE'S NOT VERY HAPPY, AND TAKES HIM HOME WHERE HE BEATS HIS MISERABLE LITTLE BEHIND. SO NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHICH EPISODE OF " LEAVE IT TO BEAVER " WILL BE BROADCAST TONIGHT, WHY NOT VISIT MY E-BAY STORE: SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY. THE ADMISSION IS ABSOLUTELY FREE. SO WADDA YEZ WAITN' FOR, HUH?